Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

• The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.


• If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.


• I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.


• My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City.


• To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.